My husband and I recently celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We’ve known each other for 16 years, have been a couple for about 13 years, have been married for 10, and parents for 3 1/2. There is a whole lot of stuff crammed into these past 16 years! We had that fluffy, fuzzy, new relationship stage covered in rainbows and glitter. We went through the stars in our eyes, make love in every room several times a day stage. That’s all well and good, but then we hit the adjustment stage. That’s the one where the glitter settles and you begin to see little things that frustrate you. You may begin to fight and argue more. Unfortunately, in today’s society, this is where many couples call it quits. Somewhere within the adjustment stage they realize that the other person isn’t perfect. That the sun doesn’t shine out of their butt as brightly as it once did.
He leaves his clothes on the floor with the hamper less than 3 feet away. He has a habit of starting projects that he never finishes and they just sit, unfinished, throughout our home. This is all the women’s perspective though! I’m sure he’d say that I never let anything go. Everything has to be “talked out”. When I ask for something I wants it done right that second. Things like this can be all too much for many couples and they begin to think that they’re with the wrong person. That they married the wrong person. I have thought this many times, especially during my massively hormonal pregnancy stages. I think it’s very normal to come across these emotions at times.
There was a time when I complained a ton about my hubby. See, special days like birthdays and Mother’s Day don’t trigger a gift giving/romantic impulse in him. He’s not that guy. I had a hard time with this for years because my wonderful dad was always a romantic gift giver! Every special occasion was made special by him. Heck, even the regular days were brightened by sweet notes left on the counter about how very much he loves us and how proud of us he is. Spontaneous weekend trips to see Disneyland or go to another city for a festival. He’s an amazing man! So when the hubs didn’t turn out to have that same behavior I became discouraged and disgruntled over the years. I let it fester and stew. I complained to friends that he never does anything romantic. This is just one example of the many things that I let stew for years…YEARS! If I hadn’t gone to God with these things who knows what all of that resentment would have led to!However, after coming to a point of frustration and knowing it couldn’t continue that way, I began to pray that God would change him. Make him more considerate. Help him to see my perspective and try harder to make me happy. Do you see the selfishness in my requests?? So I was shocked when, sitting in church one night, God very clearly told me to take that finger I was pointing and turn it around. “You are the one that needs changing, NOT him!”. I was appalled! God had to have that one wrong right?? What could I possibly need to change? Well, I guess I could stop complaining about him to anyone with ears. I could work on not resenting him. I could show him more love and affection and less cold condemnation.
Now, after 10 years of marriage, I can see so much more that he gives me everyday! Crazy amounts of love, hard work earning money, being a great dad to our kids, totally supporting me as a work at home mom, staying 100% infatuated with me and never ever having a wandering eye (that alone is worth a fight)! Almost every remodel/repair in this home was done by him! He can make, build or rig anything in a pinch. He’s a perfectionist so you know things are done right the first time (even if it takes longer than others). He doesn’t display his emotions often but I’ve had the privilege of catching precious glimpses of what can bring this man to tears and it’s shown me how very deep he loves, how incredibly big his heart is. I look around at our many unfinished home remodel projects now and can see why they’re unfinished. He is constantly helping others with their home needs. Of course ours have been placed on the back burner. Through talking with him I discovered that the reason he does so much for others is to bless them. It’s his service for the Lord. Those years I spent resenting him for this now seem so selfish. So I don’t mind that our bathroom is in shambles and our hallway is plain sheet rock. I know God will bless us to complete them in His time.
Listen, my point is, we need to truly open our eyes and look at our significant others from a new perspective. If that’s hard, ask God to change your heart. He will! Then you can fall in love all over again and remember what drew you to that person in the first place. You can stay instead of leave and find the amazing reward in it! Trust me, we’ve never been happier or more in love and I truly believe it can happen to more couples if they just give it a go!
What are your thoughts? Have you tried or had any experience with this sort of thing? Comment below! I’d love to hear!